Season's of Love

Happy (almost) Valentine's Day! It's a time that most single adults dread, or try to deny the existence of. In high school I would celebrate by wearing orange and we'd call it S.A.D: Singles Awareness Day. I spent years griping about how stupid of a holiday it was and how lucky I am to be single, yet all the while secretly loving its cheesy romanticness. I'm pretty sure that's about the same for every single adult. We really want to have a Valentine, we don't want to be single, and we envy those that aren't alone. One day I realized, I'm not alone!

Valentine's Day is about love, and I am surrounded by people I love! It doesn't have to be that fantastical guy I dream about; the one who magically shows up on my doorstep with roses and chocolate. But what about my family and my friends? I was always unhappy and disappointed every year because I felt like I was alone, I wasn't cute, nobody liked me, go out to the garden and eat worms... But my family loves me, and I love them. I am not alone there. I have wonderful friends near and far (Japan, baby!) who are still my friends after knowing me for a long time. Now that's love right there! And what about all my single friends who sit at home, doing the same thing that I've been doing for years on Valentine's Day: "hating" it! We should band together! And we did this year!

I created a tradition a few years ago to watch Lady and the Tramp every Valentine's Day. It's cute, romantic, and all around fun! This year I decided that I was not going to watch it alone and turned it into an awesome party, complete with a spaghetti and meatball dinner. And it was so much fun!

Now, I really do love Valentine's Day and the people that are around me. Which is funny, because now I can admit that I don't like being single. Well, I kind of do, ish. But that's just a different post entirely. Let's just go with the fact that I'm single and that is a situation that I'd love to change. And another topic that is worth it's own post (and totally related to my Lady and the Tramp party last night) is guys acting interested and never asking a girl on dates. Is he interested? I have no idea.

Actual blogging?

Not that anyone reads this, but I feel bad about not blogging. I mean, it's my history! And a way out of actual journaling. Thus far, I haven't been blogging or journaling. But that all is about to change (hopefully) with the fact that it's now an assignment. Yes, it's true. My sociology class requires me to document my own life that I might be prepared to write a paper on myself at the end of the semester. What better assignment than one all about me?

So on the subject of me :)

I am in school! I'm sure that was guessed by the fact I have a sociology class, but that still does not take away the wonderful joy that I am a student! Okay, sometimes it's not all that joyful, but I've been waiting so long to get back into school. It was a long, arduous process, but I fought my way into BYU-I and I'm stuck there. I'm serious. I'm not leaving, because the transferring there was hard enough I'm not going through that again.

I'm also living in a fabulous apartment with even more fabulous roommates! We have fun times. Mostly when we're supposed to be going to bed because that's usually when we're all home. We may keep each other up a bit, and feel a bit sleep deprived because of it, but I say it's worth it!

Job: yes, I have one! I work for a guy in my ward. I call online retailers and ask them to sell our product. It's called Monkey Bar Storage. What an awesome name is that? I really love the job and work with some super cool people. I tend to get made fun of a lot, but I don't seem to be able to get the ditsy blonde out of me. I really act like a ditz there. I'm pretty sure I'm ridiculous.

Well, that is really the quick nutshell version of things for now, but the goal is a once a week update. Lets do this!

Jenna is coming to town!

These last couple of months... wow. So much keeps happening. It's crazy, because thing after thing keeps falling through, falling apart. But because it does something else works out. Something that I don't expect but is better than what I wanted in the first place.
Right now, I'm getting ready to move into town! Yes! I've been staying out in Hibbard since I came to Rexburg, which is about a 15 minute drive to town. First, I was with Emily Rigby and her family. I love them! But I could live with them forever. Then I moved up the road to live with Holly Bryan, a girl in my ward who was looking for a roommate. Holly's great. She's one of the funniest people I've met. But between the gas used and the fat that I hardly ever see her, I think the best thing to do would be move into town.
I'm going to be living with two of the sweetest people I know. First, there's Kaylie Walker. The place that we're moving into is actually her brothers apartment. He moved down to IF and another roommate moved to Seattle. So one more is just finishing moving out and then us girls gets to move in! And then Emily Rigby is moving in as well!
So, I'm way super excited about being able to move into town. Finally, a place to settle down.

Homeless...

Yes, I've made it to Rexburg! Just one problem: I have no where to live... I've been doing pretty good, staying around with friends. Mostly my friend Emily and her family. When I got up here a couple weeks ago, I had work that weekend, but no place to stay. I filled my car as much as I could, but kept the back seat clear of bulky objects, so I could sleep back there. I was moving to Rexburg to be homeless.

When I would really think about it I was scared. I didn't want to live in my car. I didn't want to live off of peanut butter (that's the only food item I took with me). So many times, when I really thought about this craziness, I thought about backing out. I mean, Utah would be so much easier. I'd just need to find a job, but I already had a place to live (for free!) and I could be starting right back at UVU this fall. Why would I go to Rexburg?!

But then when I really thought about who I want to be, the person I want to become, I realized I had to go. I couldn't think about it, but follow the promptings and just act. Do the hard thing. Here's where one of the many lessons from my mission came into play. When the Spirit speaks= act, even if it might seem crazy. Being homeless seems crazy to me.

I spent my first night at Maren and Missy's place, but had planned to sleep in my car Saturday night. Saturday I went to hang out with Emily. Through the course of the evening her mom found out that I was planning to sleep in my car. They quickly found a place for me. I'm so grateful for them for letting me stay there. And it kind of worked out. I'm still "homeless" because it's a temporary fix until I find a place. But for now, it works.

In the mean time, crazy awesome things have happened! (Really, I've been seeing miracles in things working out). First, as I was terrified about coming up here and not working, once I made the decision to be here I got a call asking for me to fill in for someone. Sweet, I already had work! Since it was back at the Homestead, it doesn't pay well and I don't have a shift. So I've got job hunting. I've really wanted to work with trouble youth, so I've been trying to find work at the juvey detention center.

There's a couple up in St. Anthony, and one was hiring. I drove up there to apply, but got lost while looking for it. Through a randomness of following cars, I found myself passing another detention center. I had the thought to walk in and ask for a job, but I just passed that from my mind. As I continued to drive around looking for this other place another thought came to me, "Jenna, that was inspiration to go into that place, you'd better listen. And this is inspiration telling you to listen to the first inspiration." So I did a scary thing. I walked into this detention center. There were about 4 or 5 cops right inside and they all stop and look at me. Great, what do I say to a bunch of burly guys in a place like this? "I would like a job here." For a minute they all gave me this weird look as if wondering if I were serious, then it turned into a 'is something wrong with you?' look. Finally one of them used his open mouth to speak and took me to the warden. I heard a couple chuckles as I walked over to the office.

The warden was an awesome guy! I told him that I wanted to go into social work at school and I was interested in this kind of field and wanted to see what it was like. I'd love a job, but I'd also like to volenteer. I just wanted some experience. He was totally amazed by me, because they'd never had someone just walk in and want to work there. He didn't know quite what to do, but as we talked he started figuring out how to use me. I found out that this place worked with adult male offenders, mostly drug and property offenses. The two case workers came in to talk to me and tell me about what it was like working there and how you need to learn to say now and that the offenders really try to play on your sympathy to get you to do things for them.

They also talked about how you can tell right off if this is something you can handle. People who are there to "change the world!" Get burnt out pretty quick, because all you see is failure. Any success you have you never see again because they stay out in the world, but you'll see failure after failure come back into the system. You need to realize that it's not you who've failed, but them.

As they were going on about needing to realize that they make their own choices, I was really reminded about the mission. Same thing there. It gets so overwhelming if you heap up all those people who've reject the gospel on your back. If you think it's a reflection of you, it weighs you down. Another lesson that I've so gratefully learned from my mission. Also, the way the guys act, it sounded a lot like the investigators in Whitehouse! There I really learned to be more firm.

I'm so excited to see how things go with this job! I'm so grateful for how things are working out, even when I'm freaking out. Truly by the Grace of God!

Especially for Counselors

That's right, I just spent a week in Disneyland! Holy cow, it was a lot of fun! We started out with a 12 hour drive, in a small car with 4 people and all their stuff. It was just a little of a tight squeeze, but we made it in one piece! After having a little bit of a nap time, it was beach time! Riding the waves, burying Matt in the sand, and then a sweet awesome bonfire. It was a good night. But I didn't stay out too late, because I was there for one soul purpose: Disneyland!
There was so much there! Coolest things about Disneyland:
1. 100 EFY counselors
2. Pirates
3. Mickey
4. Star Tours
5. A parade!
6. Tom Sawyers island
7. Attempts at planking
8. Tron dance party
9. Muppets
10. Cute black guy
11. World of Color!
12. Random animal pictures
13. Aladdin
14. More pirates
15. Tower of Terror
16. Driving
17. Bug eyes
18. Night time Jungle Cruise
19. And new friends!

The Pink Bible (part Two)

Lately I've been obsessed with a blog online called The Mormon Bachelorette. It's bascially like the tv show, but online and involving Latter Day Saints. I was introduced to it because a friend of mine went out to Arizona to take the current bachelorette out on a date, and then I was hooked. I finished season one and just started the second one and I've been noticing somethings about dating...

First off, it's been established that I LOVE dating and I go on many. But while I may be dating a lot, they all seem to be first dates. Plus, how do I get dates with the guys that I really like? Comparing the way I act with those on the MB, it clicked: I don't flirt! Really, I don't. When I'm on a date with some one it's more like friends chillin' chillin'. When I'm around a guy I like... I'm just pathetic.

*Just to expound on my patheticness: When I'm not prepared and a cute guy shows up I just stare. I get this deer-in-the-headlights look and all that goes through my brain is "He's so cute!" and all that comes out of my mouth is "Uhhhh....." and other squeeky noises. Yup.

Anyway, the point is that the key to more dates is flirting. The key to getting cute guys is flirting. Now I just need to figure out how to flirt....

The Pink Bible (part one)

I've always loved dating! From the "What do I wear?" anxiety right up to the awkward door step scene, I actually enjoy every minute of it. And no, I'm not being facetious. I've been so blessed since I've been home from my mission to go on a ton of dates. Really. It hasn't been unusual to have multiple dates a week. But it didn't start out like that at all.
*Flashback*

I'd been home from my mission for at least four months and I'd gone on only one date. A date that had been set up by my aunt, so it had nothing to do with the fact he thought that I was cute. So here I am, a girl who wants to date and is not; I spent Fridays moping with ice cream and chick flicks. I spent much time complaining and feeling hurt that I wasn't "pretty enough" or liked by guys.

Well, it was one of these pity-party moments that revelation came to me. Do you ever get answers that you hate? Yeah, this was one of them. The conversation in my head went like this (add a whiny sound to my dialogue):

"I want to go on a date!"
"Then change it."
"But I can't."
"Yes you can. Just ask someone yourself."
"But boys are supposed to ask me!"
"But they aren't. Your options are: be dateless or take action. Your choice."

You mean I can't expect other people to make me happy?! Novel idea. So I weighed my options and chose to get rid of my self pity. I started asking guys out on dates! At first it was scarier than anything to ask someone on a date. Now, it still is, but I have more hope in a positive answer.
But I'm so grateful for the chance of being the one to ask. I understand how scary it is for guys to ask out girls. They have just as much anxiety over dating, if not more, than us girls. It's hard planning something that would be fun, impress the date, and give a good chance of getting to know each other.

But something else happened when I started asking guys out: guys started asking me! It turns out that it's a conditional promise for me. Because if I just ask one or two guys a month, I'm rewarded four-fold :) When I stop asking guys, they stop asking me.

Now I know that this isn't the case for every girl. But I've learned that if we want something we have to put in some effort. We can't sit and complain anymore, but we have to jump up and act. And we can't expect it to be easy.