Yes, I've made it to Rexburg! Just one problem: I have no where to live... I've been doing pretty good, staying around with friends. Mostly my friend Emily and her family. When I got up here a couple weeks ago, I had work that weekend, but no place to stay. I filled my car as much as I could, but kept the back seat clear of bulky objects, so I could sleep back there. I was moving to Rexburg to be homeless.
When I would really think about it I was scared. I didn't want to live in my car. I didn't want to live off of peanut butter (that's the only food item I took with me). So many times, when I really thought about this craziness, I thought about backing out. I mean, Utah would be so much easier. I'd just need to find a job, but I already had a place to live (for free!) and I could be starting right back at UVU this fall. Why would I go to Rexburg?!
But then when I really thought about who I want to be, the person I want to become, I realized I had to go. I couldn't think about it, but follow the promptings and just act. Do the hard thing. Here's where one of the many lessons from my mission came into play. When the Spirit speaks= act, even if it might seem crazy. Being homeless seems crazy to me.
I spent my first night at Maren and Missy's place, but had planned to sleep in my car Saturday night. Saturday I went to hang out with Emily. Through the course of the evening her mom found out that I was planning to sleep in my car. They quickly found a place for me. I'm so grateful for them for letting me stay there. And it kind of worked out. I'm still "homeless" because it's a temporary fix until I find a place. But for now, it works.
In the mean time, crazy awesome things have happened! (Really, I've been seeing miracles in things working out). First, as I was terrified about coming up here and not working, once I made the decision to be here I got a call asking for me to fill in for someone. Sweet, I already had work! Since it was back at the Homestead, it doesn't pay well and I don't have a shift. So I've got job hunting. I've really wanted to work with trouble youth, so I've been trying to find work at the juvey detention center.
There's a couple up in St. Anthony, and one was hiring. I drove up there to apply, but got lost while looking for it. Through a randomness of following cars, I found myself passing another detention center. I had the thought to walk in and ask for a job, but I just passed that from my mind. As I continued to drive around looking for this other place another thought came to me, "Jenna, that was inspiration to go into that place, you'd better listen. And this is inspiration telling you to listen to the first inspiration." So I did a scary thing. I walked into this detention center. There were about 4 or 5 cops right inside and they all stop and look at me. Great, what do I say to a bunch of burly guys in a place like this? "I would like a job here." For a minute they all gave me this weird look as if wondering if I were serious, then it turned into a 'is something wrong with you?' look. Finally one of them used his open mouth to speak and took me to the warden. I heard a couple chuckles as I walked over to the office.
The warden was an awesome guy! I told him that I wanted to go into social work at school and I was interested in this kind of field and wanted to see what it was like. I'd love a job, but I'd also like to volenteer. I just wanted some experience. He was totally amazed by me, because they'd never had someone just walk in and want to work there. He didn't know quite what to do, but as we talked he started figuring out how to use me. I found out that this place worked with adult male offenders, mostly drug and property offenses. The two case workers came in to talk to me and tell me about what it was like working there and how you need to learn to say now and that the offenders really try to play on your sympathy to get you to do things for them.
They also talked about how you can tell right off if this is something you can handle. People who are there to "change the world!" Get burnt out pretty quick, because all you see is failure. Any success you have you never see again because they stay out in the world, but you'll see failure after failure come back into the system. You need to realize that it's not you who've failed, but them.
As they were going on about needing to realize that they make their own choices, I was really reminded about the mission. Same thing there. It gets so overwhelming if you heap up all those people who've reject the gospel on your back. If you think it's a reflection of you, it weighs you down. Another lesson that I've so gratefully learned from my mission. Also, the way the guys act, it sounded a lot like the investigators in Whitehouse! There I really learned to be more firm.
I'm so excited to see how things go with this job! I'm so grateful for how things are working out, even when I'm freaking out. Truly by the Grace of God!
