The time has come for Jaysea to live again. Too long has she
wasted in my imagination, waiting to be given a steady life. She’s been
with me ever since I read the 2nd Harry Potter book when I was in junior high. I remember when she first popped into existence; I was staying the night at my Grandma Safley's and I was in the spare bedroom with the touch lamp on. It was getting late, but I was reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was nearing the end, Tom Riddle revealed he was Lord Voldemort and had come up with that name through an anagram. An anagram of your name! What a marvelous idea! And after a few minutes I had gone from "Jenna Marie Safley" to "I am Jay Sea Fennrel."
She started out as my alter ego, going on adventures through my imagination. I started writing them down, I started describing her how I wished to be seen. She's gone through a few transformations, an athletic elf out to save the world; and elf with green skin, dark green hair and eyes who existed in this world; half elf, half fairy, half nymph, half vampire, half sparkly... oh wait, that's part of being a vampire :) She was always my main character in my fantasies and always did what I wished I could do.
But then she started coming out of the day dream stage and an original story started developing. She became human. She started to have a background, her own personality, her own struggles. She did become a werewolf, as well :) And she started having a future.
I know what the story is, I know where it needs to go. But I'm scared. I've loved writing for so long, and I stopped as soon as I started Jaysea's story. Because I'm fine with writing my crap of randomness, I know it's cheesy and all that. But Jaysea is different. She's been with my so long and she's become her own. I don't want to mess up her story, I want do it justice.
I started her story when I came home from my mission, almost two years ago, and I haven't written for over a year. It used to me my passion, but I've lost it. And I'm realizing just how much I've lost because of it.
Has anyone else noticed that when they close off a passion they close off a little bit of themselves? I've grown in so many good ways, but I've also lost bits of myself that take me away from who I truly am. And writing is one of those things. I'm not meant to be cookie-cutter, and I've felt like I have been for a long time.
It's time to be me and it's time for Jaysea to come to life.