The time has come for Jaysea to live again. Too long has she
wasted in my imagination, waiting to be given a steady life. She’s been
with me ever since I read the 2nd Harry Potter book when I was in junior high. I remember when she first popped into existence; I was staying the night at my Grandma Safley's and I was in the spare bedroom with the touch lamp on. It was getting late, but I was reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was nearing the end, Tom Riddle revealed he was Lord Voldemort and had come up with that name through an anagram. An anagram of your name! What a marvelous idea! And after a few minutes I had gone from "Jenna Marie Safley" to "I am Jay Sea Fennrel."
She started out as my alter ego, going on adventures through my imagination. I started writing them down, I started describing her how I wished to be seen. She's gone through a few transformations, an athletic elf out to save the world; and elf with green skin, dark green hair and eyes who existed in this world; half elf, half fairy, half nymph, half vampire, half sparkly... oh wait, that's part of being a vampire :) She was always my main character in my fantasies and always did what I wished I could do.
But then she started coming out of the day dream stage and an original story started developing. She became human. She started to have a background, her own personality, her own struggles. She did become a werewolf, as well :) And she started having a future.
I know what the story is, I know where it needs to go. But I'm scared. I've loved writing for so long, and I stopped as soon as I started Jaysea's story. Because I'm fine with writing my crap of randomness, I know it's cheesy and all that. But Jaysea is different. She's been with my so long and she's become her own. I don't want to mess up her story, I want do it justice.
I started her story when I came home from my mission, almost two years ago, and I haven't written for over a year. It used to me my passion, but I've lost it. And I'm realizing just how much I've lost because of it.
Has anyone else noticed that when they close off a passion they close off a little bit of themselves? I've grown in so many good ways, but I've also lost bits of myself that take me away from who I truly am. And writing is one of those things. I'm not meant to be cookie-cutter, and I've felt like I have been for a long time.
It's time to be me and it's time for Jaysea to come to life.
Well said. :) Its like me and art. I essentially stopped drawing after graduating BYU (all throughout school drawing was the "escape" and once school ended...)and it WAS like a part of me got locked away. I brought it back out a year or so ago but have struggled to get into it with the same degree of inspiration. But every once in a while the muse strikes and I've come up with a solid web comic idea that I wanted to launch with the new year but it looks like it will take longer now. But I agree that while life changes and we grow we still need to let the forgotten aspects of who we are out into the sunlight so they can grow too.
ReplyDeleteLet out your inner characters, Jenna-Marie!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you had this character, until I saw this post. I've been in a similar situation. Remember that fantasy/scifi story I shared with you awhile back? And you asked me to write more? Well, I finally started posting it (a little at a time) online on a Tumblr page. Here it is: http://epicofeternity.tumblr.com/post/119598369912/book-1-part-1-the-strongest-man-in-the-world.
It's up to you whether you want to let that very personal side of you out for the world to see. My philosophy, however, is that these characters and stories are like our kids: sure, the world may be harsh and critical on them, but we can't hide them away, because they have a life and personality of their own. They have their own voice. I'd be interested to see what Jaysea (Jay-Z? JC?) Fennrel has to say. :)